


The Gal With The Golden Gun

by GeneralR0gu3P1an3t



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Fuckin' James Bond, Plz Don't sue me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9604046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralR0gu3P1an3t/pseuds/GeneralR0gu3P1an3t
Summary: After years of deadly top secret operations, Agent Lapis Lazuli and Officer Peridot are considered by CGA (Crystal Gem Agency) to be the best American agents currently in the field. One amazing agent was enough, but throw in a jack of all trades special forces colonel in the mix, and you have one dangerous combination. The two have forever been putting a stop to bad guys all across the planet, one organization of baddies being the Home World Criminal Organization, or HWCO for short. Their leader has had enough of the love birds of justice putting a wrench in her diabolical plans, and hires a certain assassin to kill them. The duo had put up with mercs and cutthroats after them in the past, but this crazy gal clearly was different. She costed a million a kill (making it two mil for this odd job) and she had a 110% kill rate on every target, and any target. Most interestingly, she uses a golden gun that shoots a single devastating golden bullet, able to stop a humpback whale in it's underwater track! Will the masters of stealth and danger be able to stop... The Gal With The Golden Gun!? Read more of this James Bond inspired book for more curious reader, for this is only one of the many tales of Agent Lapis and Peri!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a weird book. It's basically putting my two fav things together. Steven Universe lapidot and James Bond flicks in one wacky 1960's spy story. I'm in a military academy so if I don't update regularly, don't fret! I'll also be making a series of different books probably out of this type of book. This is my first time writing fanfic so feedback would be very appreciated!

BLAM!

The angry suited villain was thrown right through the wooden door from the bedroom and into the living room. His quick reflexes made him be able to get up and throw a wine bottle on the coffee table next to him to the bluenette woman. However he should have known she wasn't foolish enough to just get hit that easily! The blue haired woman ducked just in time for the bottle to go crashing over her and onto the wall behind her to make a loud crash. "Why can't things be so simple like the old days? Getting your energy out just makes you crash harder later, pal." The short and angry man made a loud groan as he forced himself up and sprinted at the woman, only for her to calmly move slightly out of the way, having the man just fall onto the bed in front of him. Getting up quickly, he watched the woman walk casually over to the bar in the kitchen, and by the time he was able to get on his feet, she was done pouring a small glass full of vodka. "Now, you should calm down. You're in enough trouble as it is." The man ran once again to the woman with a loud raging shout as he tried to attack her, but before he was even near her enough to do any hypothetical damage, he felt a death grip on his waist and a cold feeling of steel only a gun could bring on the back of his neck. 

"Hi Honey."

"Hey, doll. Have trouble finding the place?" 

"Oh nah. How's Mr. Belter handling the meeting?

"He's a little uncooperative, maybe help me out a little?" 

"Oh certainly." 

The blonde woman took a painful hold on Mr. Belter as she swung him out onto the balcony, throwing him over to the rapids and rocks below off the coast, the last words out of the poor bastards mouth being a simple "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" 

The blonde lady waltzed back into the penthouse up to the bluenette as she beckoned for a shot of the same vodka she had already poured for herself. The woman happily responded with a smile and poured another glass of vodka for her companion. They both simultaneously shared their vodka, before slamming the cup back onto the counter. "Mission accomplished Agent Lapis Lazuli." "Mission accomplished indeed, Officer Peridot." The spies leaned in on each other over the small counter and exchanged a suave and passionate kiss. 

After a few amazing moments of simply enjoying a job well done, the duo lead themselves out the penthouse. By the balcony. They leaped off and made a calm way down the high rocks via parachute out across the man they just swiftly killed, over the rocky rapids on the rugged shore, and into their yacht that laid ready for their smooth retreat. What, just walk out the front door? Who needs to, they're cool spies! Always go that extra mile in this line of work.

 

It was a groggy evening in the city of London, as it was most days. Diamond 02 walked out of his car, before being stopped by a walking police officer. "Sir, you can't park there!" Diamond 02 looked back up at the officer from the backseat of his car while he retrieved his umbrella, a shocked look on his face given to the officer. The officer soon paused back and quickly said "Oh, apologies." Diamond 02 then locked his car as the police man walked off, slightly in a hurry to get away from the man. Diamond 02 knew why. He was a powerful man. He did practically own this part of London. 

Diamond 02 walked into the post office station and placed his large tan wool jacket on the rack in his office along with his hat and umbrella as he picked up the daily newspaper already placed on his desk. He then punched in a mysterious code on a suspicious looking coffee machine, as a door gave way from the wall on his side. He walked into the secret room laid inside... 

"Ah, sit down Diamond 02. We will discuss your operation later."

"Understood, Diamond 01."

Diamond 02 sat down on the dark swivel chair, the white lamp next to him illuminating his dark work space. Along with the other suit and tie individuals in rows next to him, they all looked like they were dressed to kill, however Diamond 02 was the only one there with the personality to play the part. All the other Diamonds were beyond shaken, fidgeting a little in their chair or smoking impatiently on their expensive cigars. Diamond 02 was the only one calm and knew the routine of the situation, simply reading the papers over the dribble of the head Diamond. 

"Diamond 05, how are the transfers of human trafficking going over the Caribbean?" "Certain issues have started due to our issues on pirates trying to take hold of our cargo on the ships, but we are dealing with the issue, Diamond 01." "I see... Diamond 08, how are the constant drugs filling into America's coasts providing?" "... Unfortunately, Diamond 01, one of our top dealers on American drug smuggling has just been assassinated... We don't know for sure, but it might have been the CGA on the account." Diamond 01 stroked her cat with yellow pearls around it's neck in a necklace, as Diamond 01 moved herself up a little in her bright yellow swivel chair, looking down on the other Diamonds from her balcony in the room. A look of suspicion came over her face, however none of them could see it, as her face was covered by the shadowed one way glass on top her balcony.

"Diamond 08, you have failed me on this matter. At least, one in your American force has..." Diamond 08 felt a chill of pure fear go down his spine. He shook a little in his dark chair as Diamond 01 made a fast move to her control board. In a few seconds, a blaze of screams came from Diamond 08's accomplice, Diamond 09, as he was electrocuted from the very chair he was sitting in.

In a few seconds, he was a smouldering pile, and the very ground under him moved downwards with his corpse. A few seconds later, the chair rose back up, the corpse gone.

"Make sure this doesn't happen again, Diamond 08. Is that clear?" "Y-yes, my Diamond!!" Diamond 08 said in a horrified response. Diamond 02 took a few seconds to roll his eyes as he returned to his paper, while the rest of the men shuttered in their very seats.

"Now, we will hear a presentation from Diamond 02. Diamond 02, please proceed with your operation." "Thank you, Diamond 01, I shall."

Diamond 02 rose to his feet, the spotlight being right on his eye patch across his right eye. "Gentlemen, I not only know who most likely killed our drug smuggler for America, but also the starting of all our problems for the past four bloody years. The problem not being one bastard however, but two." Diamond 02 showed a large picture from a suitcase next to his chair, revealing a photo of two girls on a beach, sharing the scenery. The photo clearly was taken without them knowing. "These two devils are secret agents of the CGA. The one on the left is Agent Lapis B. Lazuli. She is trained as a spy with specialties in sabotage, espionage, stealth, underwater demolition, and... Persuasion. She's a Navy Seal on steroids. On the right is her girlfriend, Officer Peridot Y. Diamond. A former colonel in the Delta Special Forces, she has recently been upgraded to an officer/agent in the CGA due to her exceptional record on being in the field. She is experienced in almost every weapon, knows how to drive and fly any vehicle on this small world, and is a jack of all trades in hacking and programming. Originally they were working on their own, but ever since they started working together..."

Diamond 02 shook his head as he showed another picture, this one a little more vile. The two were seen cuddling together in a bed kissing passionately. Again, this clearly was a picture taken without either of their consent. "They soon fell into a healthy relationship together. However, as healthy as it is, it's bloody dangerous for us. They are the greatest agents in the CGA, and they're teaming up! One was bad enough, but this is getting out of hand. Which is why I have sought to put an end to the couple. permanently."

Diamond 02 fixed the tie being ruffled as he placed the pictures back in his suitcase. "I have searched far and wide for a killer able to match their level of expertise. And I have found a match." "And who is this contract killer, Diamond 02?" Diamond 01 asked curiously. Diamond 02 got a large smile from the question, as he finally gave them his evil scheme. "While I have no personal name, she goes by The Gal With The Golden Gun. It costs one million dollars per kill, which would make this two mil, but the kill rate is 110% on her clean cut record. I myself will pay with my expenses, if in exchange in the future I will be the one to choose assignments on nuclear bombs being stolen throughout the planet. Sound fair, Diamonds?" A couple hints of murmuring came from the fellow individuals when Diamond 01 spoke up to break the quiet chatter.

"I agree to these terms. I wish to see the... Lapidot couple be finally taken off our list of individuals I need a headache from." Diamond 01's cat purred a little as her soft back was being caressed.

"Go and pay this Gal With The Golden Gun."


	2. Mission Debriefing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Peri are thrown outta their break between their last mission, there is an assassin afoot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that these take a while, my military academy has cancer internet that blocks this website, so I can only work during my days on leave (and since SOME FUCKING IDIOT lost the guide on flag, we might have closed weekends, making this longer in the future) but on the bright side I am currently getting my week off! (Just got done doing a speech in front of the corps + a bunch of family members for a parade so I am kinda tired but still wanted to do this ASAP.) Also should mention this is a human AU. Just a reminder in case I left it a bit confusing.

Agent Lapis and Officer Peridot were certainly tired from their long journey back from the Caribbean to their luxurious and slightly hidden (for obvious reasons) estate in Beach City. Once the front door was opened, the two threw their luggage to the side of the living room, put on some comfortable clothes (how little there was on) and jumped into the bed together. Peridot happened to also synchronize her watch for a specific time to wake up for the following day before entering the warm bed. Lapis noticed the action and rolled her eyes before giving out sigh.

"Y'know, for an officer, you're such a dork." Peridot simply shrugged off the comment with a sharp reply of "And you have the blue hair of a problem child, not a spy." "Oh, shut up! You're the one with the high pitch 'I'm nervous but I'm trying to act tough' voice!" Lapis teased before being fed up with Peridot taking to long, grabbing her lover to throw her under the covers with her.

"I hate you sometimes." Peridot said grumbling as she cuddled next to secret agent. Lapis and Peridot were most definitely suave and professional during their working hours on the mission, but off duty they were both almost complete opposites of that personality when given time alone. Peridot was in all essence, still a dork, and Lapis was most definitely somewhat of a drama queen when given time to bubble up, but one thing was in common about them both whether on a mission or not: They did love each other.

The evening was spent in tender moments between the couple. A few kisses here and there, a few gasps and shocks. Y'know, girly stuff. They in fact were about to nod off, (Peridot especially being extra tired) when all of a sudden, they heard a random knock on the door.

Now, all knocks are different. Some are firm, some are quiet, some are subtle. This one was specific. It could be discovered as a different knock in comparison to all other knocks on the planet. They both opened their eyes widely to meet each others' view, and they both knew who it was.

Rose Quartz, the head of the Crystal Gem Agency.

Peridot rose quickly (as tired as she was) and gave hand signals to Lapis to get dressed, as she herself threw on her cashmere robe. A couple of distressed seconds later of hearing the repeated knock, Peridot finally opened the door to greet a tall, pink haired woman in a white coat, a 'CGA' emblem on the side of her uniform. Along with her was a small child in a red shirt with a yellow star on the front of it, with a pair of jeans and flip flops to add to the attire.

"Hello Rose, Steven. It's kind of late, car broke down?"

"Now's not the time for jokes, Perido-" "Hi Peridot!" Rose's son said, interrupting his mother in the middle of her sentence. Peridot couldn't help but laugh lightly at the action performed by the ten year old. "Hi, Steven. How about you go sit on the couch while your mother and I talk, alright? Remote's somewhere around the living room I think." Steven happily nodded his head, rushing inside to watch the TV (secretly waiting for his mother to not notice him go on Adult Swim to watch shows he probably shouldn't be watching.) 

Peridot walked along with Rose Quartz into the kitchen, making sure she wasn't going to notice a probably half naked Lapis running around. "So, what's wrong? We just accomplished a mission. Aren't we supposed to, y'know, get RnR or something?" Rose Quartz scoffed as she took out a folder from a bag she had been holding. "No time for relaxation right now I'm afraid, officer." Rose said bluntly as she put down the folder on the kitchen counter, opening it up to reveal a classified dossier. "You and Agent Lapis Lazuli are being hunted."

Steven gave a shocked look to Lapis tip toeing out into the living room, trying to sneak her way across the residence into a bathroom. While she was thankfully covering herself with a blanket, it took her a few moments before she noticed the child and returned a shocked look towards him. Quietly, she gave him a 'shh' signal with her mouth. Steven returned the signal with a quick nod and a thumbs up, as he made a metaphorical signal of a zipper being zipped across his mouth. Lapis then gave him a smile and a nod as she continued tip toeing to the bathroom, locking the door behind herself. 'Good on ya, Steven.' Lapis thought, as she threw on some pants and a shirt.

"Rose, of course we're being hunted. We _always_ are being hunted." Peridot said as she darted her eyes over some of the papers from the folder. "This is different. She is not just another mercenary. She's one of the greatest- if not, _the_ greatest assassin in the world. And someone has hired her to kill both of you. She costs one million for each kill, so whoever this person is, they're well funded, and really want you both dead."  Rose said before pulling back some hair that reached her front from the stress that had been making her frazzled enough to mess up her own hair. Peridot simply stood there thinking while looking over the papers, all of it reading bad news. Real name unknown, supposedly born into a military background, has only confirmed kills with no failures on her known assassination attempts, and interestingly enough, kills with a... 

"Golden gun?" Peridot asked confusingly. Rose responded with a slow nod to the special agent.  

By the time Rose was done with her nod, Lapis Lazuli finally walked into the kitchen, stretching out whilst yawning. "What did I miss?" Lapis said in a curious response. Rose Quartz rolled her eyes as she threw the information from the folder to the blue haired agent. "You're on a hit list." "So what? We're always-" "Yeah, I said that too, sweetheart. This one's different." Peridot replied, almost regretting for how it was slightly rude towards Lapis, however she didn't really notice surprisingly. Lapis skidded the info on the papers, mumbling the words to herself. "Huh... Golden gun huh? A little bit flashy, but ok." Rose nodded as a way of saying 'indeed' as Peridot moved to put her arm around her girlfriend. The couple then stood together looking to the pink haired CGA commander before announcing what they both had just realized. "So... There's a deadly assassin after us, and she probably knows where we are. She's nicknamed... The Gal With The Golden Gun, and she has never failed to kill someone." Peridot said almost robotic like. Lapis then followed up with "So... What should we do?"

"Kill her first. You're both leaving for Germany tomorrow on the next flight. Their special intelligence department has information that they must discuss in person about her last known locations." "Well, why would they want to help us?" Peridot asked in an unsure look. "Because she apparently has something of theirs. Something that just happens to be worth your services getting in exchange for you being able to kill her while doing it." Rose picked out another stack of stapled paper as the couple gave each other a look of '... Seriously?'. "Everything you need to know, so that way when you both land you're not completely clueless on where to go." Rose then threw the bag on her shoulder as she left the folder for them in case needed.

"You two are the best in the business. I have confidence that you two can handle one girl with a good trigger finger."  With that, Rose made her way to the front door, beckoning Steven to come along, not realizing that he had just turned the channel from adult cartoons before she could see. 

"Jeez, can we ever get a break?" Lapis said as she put a hand over her head with a deep sigh. "Hey, relax. Just another killer. And honey, I don't know if you noticed by now, **but we kill killers.** " Well, Peridot was right Lapis thought. Just a master assassin with the best kill record in contract killer history. What could go wrong?

Well, it didn't matter, orders were orders.

Off to Germany they went.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I was gonna set it up in Japan, but Germany is so lovely this time of the year!   
> Feedback would be very much appreciated!


	3. Into The Spider's Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mafia boss is done. She has been stalked by some killer for the past few days, and now all of a sudden she's gotten an invitation to some random island off the coast of the Bahamas. Little does she know, she is falling into a dangerous trap, like a bug flying into the spider's web.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well all my friends are psychos at my school, and I'm single... Least I don't have distractions from my writing...? Gotta stay positive in my line of work, y'know?

"Madam Jasper, you have a visitor... A Ms. Holly, at the front door."

Jasper wasn't phased by Pearl, her tux wearing humble servant, calling her attention while she was out getting a tan on her island's south beach, the side where the sun hit just right. She had been expecting the visitor ever since she left her a note on the dead body outside of a bar in Queens (who formerly worked for Mrs. Holly before getting filled with lead) to come to her island estate out near the Bahamas.

"Tell her to go inside the living room and wait for a few short minutes, I'll be there momentarily." "Yes, Madam Jasper." Pearl responded as she walked back inside the house built for a king.

An olive skinned woman, in a navy blue suit with a navy blue tie, along with a navy blue trilby with probably the shiniest chloroforms a gangster could where, was waiting right outside a large house after coming from a seaplane and off onto a small boat to come and see the mysterious killer that had been stalking her recently. Her full name was Holly B. Agate, a mob boss who runs  _the absolute_ largest human trafficking ring in the east coast of the US of A. She was used to having people on her back, but this was different. For the past week, several of her best gangsters had been gunned down in her own part of the city! However, the last one that was found killed had a note on her corpse. Skinny had always been a good goon in her mafia, but she supposed she shouldn't be surprised that her best grunts were being gutted. The note on her corpse was pretty much an 'invitation,' aka 'come here or die,' to come to this specific island to meet the assailant. The black ring on her right hand showed the authority of her being the mob boss of one of the most dangerous mafias in New York City, and just having that ring gave her a sense of power. She knew it was a trap, but she was confident, cocky, mad with power with a words of a whip. She wouldn't be afraid of no random contract killer. 

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing the servant she had seen earlier. "Madam Jasper will be with you shortly. Please wait inside the main living room until she gets back from the beach." The mob boss responded with a nod and a grunt, as she followed the thin tuxedo wearing servant into the living room. A glass of champagne was given to her as she sat down, taking her trilby hat off and examining the large room as the butler left. 

The room was filled to the brim with needlessly expensive decorations, paintings, furniture, topping it all with a small bar built into the side of the room, all bottles a good year by the looks of it. It was mostly in a mahogany wood mixed with white rugs and orange wallpaper surrounding. However, the more she examined the room, the more on edge she became. Whoever this person was, they were rich. Needlessly rich. So either they could hire the best killers... Or they were a pretty pricey killer themselves.

Thats when the room started rotating.

The entire room along with everything else started slowly moving clock wise, slowly at first, then almost speeding to the point of making the confused mob boss dizzy. A voice started coming in a low tone through some kind of speaker in the room.

"Don't get dizzy, you'll need to be sharp on your aim!"

That's when the room made a sudden stop, making Ms. Holly nearly loose her balance and fall on the white rug. The white lights flickered for a few seconds, then went out. In a split second, dim yellow and orange lights came on as a replacement, barely lighting the room up. The bar in the room soon opened up, revealing a secret hallway. At this point, Ms. Holly was shaking a little with her Smith & Wesson in her right hand, facing the dark hallway.

The mob boss slowly walked down the almost pitch black hallway, to have it reveal a large room, lit with neon lights. It only took her a few seconds to realize the whole setting was a damn fun house. The area was filled with mirrors, invisible walls (that while walking she would walk into foolishly) and booby traps all across, causing explosions and pits to give in underneath to reveal a fall that could kill just about anybody. It was a death trap. However soon after walking into the large room, the door hallway she came in from soon closed on her, forcing her to continue.

Meanwhile, Jasper was about, hunting the mob boss on the opposite side of room. Even though the room was designed like a damn laser tag room, she did somewhat know where to go, however as part of protocol, Pearl would occasionally have certain things here and there replaced and removed, constantly changing the game. The new setup was a pair of stairs, leading to a statue of a spider, on the side of it, her own golden gun.

She slowly made her way to the stairs, making sure not to engage any of the numerous booby traps placed all over the place like a twisted mine field.

"Think Madam Jasper... A golden gun is easy to stand out." Pearl was constantly watching the game play out, checking from security cameras and constantly taunting the two killers by using the speaker that distorted her voice into a dark tone to keep the situation a little dark. Jasper however soon made it to the main area with the most space that wasn't suffocated with mirrors and traps. Jasper noticed that she was higher up from the area, the only way down being a pair of stairs. In the middle of the space was a pillar, on top being a small and black spider statue. It took her a few seconds to look at the mirror facing the opposite side of the spider to reveal as she suspected, her golden gun. "Aha... You have indeed found it, but... How do you plan on getting the gun? You can't just waltz down the stairs." She finally noticed the mob boss in the corner just in time before she could nail a shot on her. The bullet went flying past her head, hitting the wall behind her. She couldn't be able to get the gun in time! Well, unless...

Jasper saw a lever, just on the other side of the wall across from her, in between it the stairs leading downwards. In a few moments, she thought up a plan. She took out her own gold plated flip lighter from her pocket. She had one shot do get it right before her arm would probably be shot off. However, one good throw, and the lever fell downwards. As suspected, the stairs released, turning into a steep ramp. Jasper without warning jumped and slid down the ramp on her stomach. Holly tried a couple shots at her, only to run out of ammo after five failed attempts! She tried to reload, but Jasper made a quick roll to the statue, ripped off the golden, and... Bang.

One clean shot, straight to the forehead. Like a giant, Holly B. Agate fell right to the ground, making a loud thump as she fell to the hard floor.

The lights went back to a bright white, finally revealing the facility. Pearl came out from a secret wall that opened as a door, a bottle of brandy already opened. Jasper soon took the bottle, nodding to the butler.

"Excellent work, Madam Jasper. Another successful hunt it seems." "As it always is, Pearl... I think with how creative and elaborate you're becoming with my practice room you're going to need a bigger paycheck soon."

Jasper was big. Not the big-around-the-waist big, the I-can-break-you-with-one-arm-without-even-trying kind of big. She wore an orange jacket with a gold yellow shirt underneath, with a brown pair of pants and pair of tan boots. She had burns and scars all across her, all with different reasons for why they were there. She had one specific one that stretched across both her eyes that came from a fire being lit across from a flamethrower when she was in the US military. She was lucky not to be blind. Her long white hair didn't really match the entire design of her figure, making it stand out from everything else.

The tall woman walked over to the dead mafia boss and took the black boss ring off her right hand and gave it to Pearl.

"Put it away in the living room." "Yes, Madam Jasper... By the way, now that Ms. Holly is out of the way, do you think you're ready to go after the special agents?" Jasper halted from walking away. She soon responded with one word:

"Yes."

"Understood, Madam Jasper. I'll look into their location immediately. Remember, this is the HWCA who hired you for their demise, so remember to be extra careful with this case." "Pearl, you should know be by know. I am always careful."

With that, the butler walked off with the ring, as Jasper returned to her beach. For a few moments, she couldn't remember the names of the agents that she was hired to kill, only to remember it once she felt the blaze of the sunlight back on her again.

Agent Lapis Lazuli and Officer Peridot Diamond. Yes, those were the names. For years she wanted to take down agents of the CGA.

This was her chance to do it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL OF YOU KNOW I LOVE FINISHING THIS AT 3 IN THE MORNING WOO WHAT A WORKOUT! Anyway, since I am getting the week off I'll probably do a chapter every other day. As always, comments and feedback is very appreciated!


	4. The Third Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Lapis and Peridot meet Dr. Sapphire and Kommadant Ruby in Germany, and learn about what the golden gun totting assassin has stolen from the German CGA department, a device nicknamed 'The Third Eye.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing this outside right now. Man, is it cold! But, the atmosphere is worth it in my opinion! Anyway, how about that spy stuff on a Valentine's Day like this, huh? Guess I gotta watch The Spy Who Loved Me later after this. Anyway, glad so many people including my good friend Ed are liking this so far! Comments and feedback are appreciated as always!

Officer Peridot was always the first to get out of the limousine when entering a new area. She was considered more likely to survive a quick sniper shot to the head than Agent Lapis Lazuli was, so she would scout ahead. She did always find it a bit of a useless requirement in the Agency, since any smart sniper would wait for them to be away the vehicle, but she still followed the rules according to regulation.

Yep, coast was clear.

Officer Peridot opened the door for Agent Lapis for her to step out, as they made their way to the rendezvous point, Peridot sporting a cool black suit and green tie, with Lapis wearing her navy blue dress. They always dressed to kill, so to speak. The darkness of the cold evening in Berlin complemented the beaming lights of the casino that towered over the duo. "We need to find a poker table. They said they'll find us." Lapis whispered to her girlfriend, the blonde replying with a quick nod.

The ground floor was filled with the smell of cigarettes and the sounds of chatter, shouting, and the occasional noise of a slot machine being alive. The agents soon made their way to a simple poker game with no one playing. Soon after joining, it was only a few short seconds before a lady in a bright blue dress made her way to the couple.

"Ah, Maria, Sidney! So good to see the two of you!" The lady said as she gave both a big smile. Neither of the agents knew this girl and she clearly didn't know their real names, but thinking quick on their feet, they played along. "Tonya! It's been so long, how is England, darling?" Lapis responding, thinking of her clearly British accent, whilst a big fake smile appeared on her face. Peridot simply gave a small smile, as it was hard to focus as she noticed the girl's face...

She had an eye patch over her left eye, without any wounds or scars giving off what caused it.

"Oh, it's dreadful my dear, too many gloomy days. Come along you two, Camille will want to see you again after all these years!" The British lady said, practically grabbing Lapis out of her chair. Peridot followed, her right hand in her suit pocket, clutching her silenced pistol... 

The mysterious figure lead them into a hotel room that clearly was housing anybody. "Please sit her for a few moments with me." The agents cautiously sat down with the eye patch wearing Brit, still eyeing her in case she made any quick moves, and Peridot still holding on the grip of her concealed weapon.

Before they knew it, the very floor they were sitting under started moving down through the floor! The agents tried to remain calm and not act in shock, secretly holding each others hands underneath the table, all while the mysterious lady gave a completely blank face. The moving table suddenly stopped, the area turning out to be a very wide and open room, the area light up with white lights all across the facility. A few people in white lab coats could be seen walking about the setting, all either with some kind of clipboard or device in their hands. Suddenly, a ginger haired woman wearing a black suit with a blood red tie and fedora approached the three at the table.

"Hello, Agent Lapis and Officer Peridot. I am Kommadant Ruby. Welcome to the German Intelligence Center for the Crystal Gem Agency." The woman giving out a hand for the two. The couple both took their time shaking the fellow agent's hand. The Kommadant soon afterwards gave the British lady a kiss on the cheek.

"I see my wife has already shown you the place." "Oh yes, they really know how to play the part, Ruby. I am Dr. Sapphire, the head scientist of the German CGA department." Peridot by now had let go of her gun, but she still found the two odd seeming as how they clearly were not German. "Well, neither of you actually seem like the German type." She said, sounding a little rude. The red-and-blue like agents soon started walking, the other couple following after them as they walked across the white facility. "We both were recently transferred here due to our certain specialties, and have been in control as heads of the work being taken care of here. The rest of the scientists and agents here are German." Ruby said as she activated a steel door to open from a key card she had kept in her suit pocket.

As she tucked the key card back into her hidden pocket, the four walked into a room that clearly wasn't like the other laboratory, being a wooden walled room with a fireplace roaring and a few book shelves and filing cabinets behind a large desk. "Sit down please." Sapphire said to the two as she herself joined her wife behind the large desk with two chairs that must have been specially made for the two individuals to sit in. "Not to be on the concerned side or anything, but the German CGA is usually not meant to be working with agents in another sector. We handle American and United Kingdom work usually." Lapis said as she sat down with her partner on the chairs opposite to Ruby and Sapphire. "Yes, this is true, but there is reason for you both to be here..." Ruby said as she put her fedora on the table in front of her.

"You're being hunted by someone we're hunting."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One Week Earlier

"So, you want two people killed. Sounds easy, for two million that is... The catch?"

"They're bloody Crystal Gem Agents. And they're the best in the United States- maybe the world."

"Now listen here Brit, I can handle anyone as long as it's in cash."

"That wasn't the catch, I just wasn't done with my sentence earlier, you simpleton."

Jasper gave Professor Blackrose a death bearing stare, the British villain not being phased by the intimidating contract killer.

"The catch is that it's not in cash-"

"Then you can count me out. I'm not-"

"I'm not finished, bloke... It's not in cash _yet_. Not until we test a device... My device. A... Laser point, you could say."

"A fucking what?"

The professor slid a eye shaped device across the table between them.

"I've already sent the other part of it to your island. Consider it a gift... Now, it's already yours. Consider it bait. They'll want it. And therefore they'll want you, and won't avoid you for long. Now, I want you to test the device. Secondly, **I want you to test the device on them.** Do that, and I'll give you double that of which you deserve, so long as the device doesn't blow up with them."

It took Jasper a couple seconds to process all he had said before saying "Wait, I always kill with my golden gun though."

The British villain took a brief sip of his coffee before saying "Well, in that case, use it on their corpses. Just as long as they're nothing but a pile of ash when you're done, and the machine clearly works, I'll be happy." With that, the professor sat up and made his way for the door.

"W-wait, how do I use it?"

The Brit stopped in his tracks, quickly turning around with a sharp reply.

"Like anything else. Learn."

He soon without warning threw an instructions manual at Jasper's side of the table.

"Don't worry, I wrote it myself."

Professor Blackrose then walked out onto the cold street from the coffee shop, leaving the assassin slightly in shock.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"A... Giant laser?" Lapis asked slightly confused. "Yes, that's about the size of it, technically. Only this is no regular death beam." Sapphire said as she got out a board with blueprints placed upon it. "The machine is able to on contact boil the entirety of what it hits, making the very closest nearby components- and pretty much the whole thing- fry and explode. If it hit a submarine, plane, anything attached and put together like that-" "A human, for instance?" Peridot interrupted. "Oh most definitely." Sapphire added. "Well, anything like that and... Boom." "Boom." Lapis and Peridot said in unison. "Jinx!" Lapis said almost instantly after the two said it. Without noticing, Ruby and Sapphire turned around as Ruby said without looking at the other two while searching for something "And because of your killer, we have had one stolen, and given to her, we assume for payment of some kind." While Ruby and Sapphire had their backs turned, Peridot gave Lapis a slightly cute angry face, Lapis responding with a stuck out tongue with a smug face to her lover. 

"This is the first." Sapphire said as she set the first device down on the desk. "And this is the second." Ruby added as she set the second device on the desk. "They're called the eyes. We have two prototypes for these, however the one that's worked the best is the third one, which is our most powerful version, the third eye. That's the one they stole, though I don't know why other than for maybe selling it off, as they didn't get off with one of the actual lasers... That is unless they made one themselves." Sapphire said as she along with Ruby sat back down. "So, you want us to go, kill her for our own skins, and return your third eye as well?" Peridot asked. "Yes, and in exchange..." Ruby said as she fixed her tie after the device pushed up and ruffled it a bit. "We'll find out who wanted your death and fake it, that way they're off your backs." Lapis and Peri looked at each other, both nodding in confirmation. "That works. Now, intel said you know where she is?" Lapis responded with. "From what we can tell, she is off in the Bahamas, owning her own private island there. However, you'll need to work fast. She could be anywhere by now, according to our records. To be completely honest with you, she'll probably find you first. Maybe you should just show up prepared and wait for her to come for you." Sapphire said before handing the two their own card keys for the facility.

"We also have your own researcher from your department over here. A Dr. Bismuth?" Peridot was quick to respond remembering the name. "Yeah, she's with us. Our own mad scientist, you could say." "Oh don't worry, I fell in love with my own mad scientist." Ruby said while a bit of a chuckle. "Me, the mad one? I doubt that!" Sapphire responded with a big smile. "Thanks again, we'll find Bismuth on our own." Peridot said as she got the door for her lover. "Of course... Oh, agents?" Ruby said before taking course in the action of attacking her wife with way too many kisses for one individual. "Be careful with that laser. It's more dangerous than you could possibly believe." Peri and lapis gave her a quick nod as they walked out. Before the door closed they could hear the actions of a crazy amount of exchanging kisses from the couple inside.

"... Well, _it is jinx."_ Lapis said as the two continued walking.

"And _I will shoot you."_

"Nerd."

"Wimp."

"You know I love you right?"

"Yeah, I love you too."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta put in some of that luv at the end. After all it is Valentine's Day!   
> P.S. I was writing this outside, and I was listening to music while doing so. Well, one song ended and as soon as it did, I heard a screech. Then after that when I started looking around, I heard movement in the woods.   
> The whole damn time I was out there, something had been watching me.   
> So what I have I learned?: Light a campfire instead of a damn scented candle when I go outside.


	5. More Than Just A Bad Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple make first contact with The Gal With The Golden Gun! While they live to tell the tale, it only makes them more on edge for what's to come!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't uploaded on this story recently, I've been busy with my new one as well as screwing my god damn head back on my shoulders. Not literally, I mean... Like mentally- Whatever, you get the idea. Also, I have to go back to my pyscho camp military academy in a couple days, so if I don't upload for a while, that's because the shitty internet there blocks this website and I might be there for a while. Rest assured all of my work will have a conclusion to some degree. (Unless I like, idk, get KIA or something)

"Hello, Bismuth." Peridot said as she picked up the strange contraption up from the metal table, only for it to be ripped out of her hands. "Oh, hello, Peridot. Lapis." Bismuth grumbled. The duo knew that they annoyed the living hell out of Bismuth as they would constantly fool around with her experiments and devices with no care like a selfish teen with a brand new phone.

"Still toying with this old tech, Bismuth?" Lapis said basically as cover for the snarky attitude towards her girlfriend from the engineer/scientist mastermind. "Watch your tone, Lapis. This 'old tech' is top of the model equipment for agents like you two." Bismuth beckoned the agents over to another large metal table, and handed the two of them a pair of watches. 

"These devices are able to be used as nano-grappling hooks. Just click the small button here, and a wire will dispense on the side here." Bismuth gave an example with her own, allowing the two agents to observe a wire being shot across the room to a steel wall, the pin on the end having no problem breaking through the steel and latching onto the wall. "No matter what type of surface, wood, metal, bullet-proof glass, it will be able to latch on. Next just hit the button again to move forward, the speed will grab you off the ground to the surface but slow enough to not hurt anything during the pull. To bring it back, just slide the button clockwise and it will immediately come back." As she said, one simple twist on the button and the wire came zipping back like a tape ruler.

Bismuth then followed up with another device, a small flashlight to be assumed by the common eye. "This device is disguised as a flashlight, however it is also secretly able to show holograms. It has a hologram of yourselves, one of your partner, and one of you both. Use it at any time as a distraction or to lead someone astray from yourselves, give it a try!" Peridot caught the flashlight thrown at her, and aimed it to the floor. With one single click, an appearance of herself formed standing with a gun out. Another click showed her girlfriend in the same position. One more click showed the duo facing opposite of each other, both still with their guns out. Peridot's curiosity got the better of her, as she clicked the button one last time. A large light simply blasted with the light of the room basically making it nearly impossible to notice. "... And it's also flashlight?" "... Yes, it's also a god damn flashlight." Bismuth grumbled. 

 

Jasper took her aim from the roof top perch, the darkness of the night making it difficult to completely make out the place, the only lights coming from the city's lower stores and restaurants. She knew that the agents would need to leave eventually, and she had a very reliable look out. Pearl down in the German restaurant was watching the two agents like a vulture. She had followed them out of the casino, tailed their cab for about ten minutes, and gave Jasper the when and where in one short phone call. The stage was set for the show.

"Mein Kompliment an den Koch!" Lapis said to the waiter, the man responding with a smile and a nod. "Y'know, I feel kind of like a child with you having to tell them what I want." "Would you rather have to get out your phone and use an app in front of them for a translation?" "... Good point." Peridot moved out of the booth along with her girlfriend and opened the door (as usual, being the suave type) of the restaurant for her. Lapis took out a lighter and lit her cigarette, lighting up Peridot's as well soon after. "So... She up on the roof you think?" Lapis said as she puffed her death stick. "Most likely... Noticed the Pearl following us?" "Yep. Probably a goon of some kind."   


Bang. 

Didn't take long for their educated guess to be answered to... But not a scratch on either of them. Of course, this was expected seeming as how they thought they would be able to graze past any shot from higher up in time, but even so, the shot was clearly not for them.

That's when they noticed the woman next to them fall on the pavement, a gunshot wound clear on her head. 

Pearl soon came out, badge in hand. 

" Jeder Schritt zurück, dies ist ein Homocide-Fall hier!" The thin lady yelled to the crowd that was soon growing in all directions around the crime scene. After a few gasps and barked questions, the crowd dispersed. Pearl soon made her way over to the couple that were basically in the middle of the scene. "English?" She asked the two agents. The two nodded in response, and the suspicious girl showed them a German detective badge. "Figured by the clothes. I work for BPD, the girl dead there, Amethyst K. Garten by her license, was shot. We need you to come to the station for further investigation, but before that, I'll leave you two with this." A small note was given to Peridot, as the girl winked to them both and walked off to the soon surrounding cops, nearly disappearing in the group.   


Peridot opened the note, Lapis leaning over to read along with her. The note had an encrypted message of dots and lines all across it. "Morse code by the looks of it." Peridot said as the two moved off into the alleyway away from the public eye. "It says... Come... To my... Island... Huh." "She wants us to meet her there." Lapis said before finally stomping her burnt cigarette in the cold ground beneath her. "So... We take the bait?" "It's not like we have a choice, it's the only way to get to her. If we want to kill this lion, we gotta find her in her own jungle." 

 

"H-hey! You can't take this damn plane, it's private property of the Intenational-"

"It's ok, I know how to fly."

"But-"

Peridot slammed the plane door in front of the confused airport guide, as she moved the plane out into the drive off and into the big, blue sky. "Peri, why did we have to steal a plane when we could just take a plane trip over there?" 

"Because 'commandeering' an empty plane is easier than one full of people."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "W-wait, how would they have dodged the bullet if it was aimed for them?"  
> Their reflexes are amazing... What, it's fucking James Bond stuff, man!   
> Anyway, comments and reflexes are always appreciated for my wacky story.


End file.
